If you're ever looking for a way to waste time

make sure you check out we heart it site. Seriously.

I've probably clicked around for a half hour today, good hour yesterday. Loving it.

Thanks Dad!

So I have a hook, well it's actually a double hook, in my bathroom for towels and my bathrobe. I don't have a fan in my bathroom and it obviously gets pretty steamy and damp from showers, etc. The hook recently fell out and my Dad just had the most ingenious idea ever. Break off a piece of toothpick the length of the hole in the wall, put it in there and then put the hook back in. A little hammering later and voile! I have a hook that's staying in the wall!

Well for now, but that's all that matters at the moment!

Oh

and tomorrow is trash day and I don't want to put out the trash. Or the recycling.

Where is my man that will do all this for me?

Is it bad that one of the major reasons I want a man in my life is to help with the household chores, i.e. bringing out the trash, carrying in the groceries (although it's much better now that I'm not on the third floor with the steepest stairs known to man), cleaning the house, doing the dishes. Ugh I could go on and on.

Not to mention how nice it would be to fall asleep next to someone each night. No offense LaLa, you're a little to small to snuggle sufficiently with:

I'm in one of those moods- can you tell?

Motivation LACKING in the Nation

I'm in a whining mood.

Warning.

I have two huge piles of correcting.

I don't know what the eff I'm doing in class tomorrow.

I'm tired.

I just want to go to bed.

But I can't.

Maybe if I went off facebook and stopped typing this blog post and actually got to work I'd feel a little less overwhelmed and get some shit done.

Going.

Gone.

So not on the ball this weekend.

Just a warning, this post may be all over the place and it may lead you to believe that I'm a few cards short of a full deck. Some of you may have already been under that assumption, so no biggie there.

So. I've been trying to eat healthy and work out more, avoid bad foods- more salads and meals for one.* A bad habit I got into was stopping at Taco Bell or McDonald's on the way home from a night out. Not only do I think it's a habit I shouldn't have formed, but I'm starting to think the Universe agrees with me, that I should not eat McDonald's after a night out.

I also should mention that I'm not a religious person by any means. I go with my fam occasionally to our Congregational church, Christmas, when my brother Andrew is in a play or something, or when my sister Erin is singing or something. But God isn't something that I consider in my life. I'm questioning this now though.

So it started when a few months ago, let's see, what night out did this incident follow...I have no idea. Well, in any case, after a night out I decided to stop at McDonald's which is unfortunately right down the street to my house. Well, the truck in front of me was apparently asked to pull forward to wait for their order. Except he didn't pull forward enough. I pull up, get my food, try to pull out but don't quite fit. I have to do one of those embarrassing 78 point turns to get out of line. Except I probably should have made it an 80 point turn because 78 didn't cut it, and I hit his truck. He gets out, looks at the damage and gets back into his car. He then pulls up. I drive around and pull up next to the passenger side of the truck. His female companion looks at me and I like shrug my shoulders and she's kind of like "I don't know?" so I realize, I need to take this opportunity and get the eff out of there, since I had been drinking that evening- no need to make an already ridiculous situation worse. I get home, sit down to eat. They gave me effing cheeseburgers. I hate cheeseburgers. Serves me right.

Ok so fast-forward to summer. I had finally got a pedicure. I believe it was a Saturday I did all this. I could totally be wrong. Maybe it was a Friday, who knows, doesn't matter. So I get a pedicure. Go out. Decide MickyD's is a good idea. No situation arose actually at McDonald's but when I got home and settled in in front of the TV on my leather ottoman/coffee table set-up, I went to slide my feet under the ottoman for whatever reason and slit. my. toenail. down. the. center. Halfway down the nail. Blood everywhere. Hurt like a mother effer. And more importantly, ruined my pedicure. Strike two Ronald.

Now for the odd occurrence (I totally almost forgot about this one!) So in August, I decided I wanted Chicken, Broccoli and Ziti from Riccardi's. It's amazing. I recommend it, well when the Universe isn't plotting your demise I recommend it. So I ran out to grab my food, came home, ready to eat, notice LaLa chewed through my computer cord that charges my computer. It's the end of the summer, I'm poor and cannot afford to buy a new $80 cord until school starts. I didn't talk to that biatch for three days. Universe? Angry dog? You decide.

Ok, so I went all that time without McDonald's and even Riccardi's because I'm getting nervous something crazy is going on here! Fast forward to last Friday night. Meeting up with the old co-worker group, wicked excited about it. It's been a rough start of the year- just a lot of work, late nights planning, early morning photocopying, etc. So I was psyched to see them. I was planning on not drinking but some new co-workers invited me out for a drink after work which I had to go to, have to make an effort with the new co-workers! There goes that idea. Three V and T's later, I head home for dinner. Heat up my meal for one, have a drink at home and get ready for the game at my old school.

I wear a new top from J.Crew that I bought:

A yellow cardigan:

And a scarf:

And sweatshirt/jacket because it's cold. Can't find a picture of this but it's like a blazer, but made out of dark gray sweatshirt material. So get to old school, see some students, old co-workers, good times. Head to my friend Ross' house for a drink before we meet the rest of our coworkers at Flaunt. I think I have two drinks at Ross' house. We go to Flaunt. I have I think one maybe two more drinks. End up outside for some reason where I see this kid Kyle I know. Talk with him for a while. I think co-workers left, I stayed and talked with Kyle (this could be wrong, feel free to correct me if you actually know what happened.) So I left. Went home. Stopped at McDonald's.

I should've known better.

I get home, eat my food and go to bed. The next morning I wake up for work, shower and get ready. I come downstairs and find my McDonald's cup on my desk near my computer with the empty bag. Inside my McDonald's cup is a metal fork. Hm. I bring the bag into the kitchen to throw away and put the cup in the sink and notice my pocketbook (empty), scarf and wallet on my stove. Hm. I put my wallet back into my bag only to notice that my iPod and camera and stuff aren't in my bag. Hm. Discover them strewn about on my front seat. Interesting.

Get ready for work at leave the house. I attended a friend's wedding that night and was looking for the sweatshirt/jacket to wear. Hm. No where to be found. I go upstairs, my jeans and flip flops are on the floor in the bathroom, not unusual after a night of drinking. My top and cardigan are in my second bedroom on the ironing board, again, not unusual but no sweatshirt/jacket.

Fast forward to today- the sweatshirt/jacket still hasn't surfaced. It's missing. I confirmed with Ross and with Kyle that I did in fact have the jacket on when he left (Ross) and when he walked me to my car (Kyle) so I should indeed have my jacket. Except I don't.

My conclusion is the Universe is fucking with me. What do you think?

*see previous post about Target trying to get me down on my single status.

Um hm.

So I just went to the bathroom for the first time today (TMI, I know, but whatev) and noticed that I put my underwear on inside out.

They were def clean, so none of that weird inside-out business to lessen laundry.

It wasn't a rushed morning by any means.

Odd.

Meals for One

I am devoted to Target. I go at least three times a week. If I'm in a bad mood, stressed or just eh about something, going to Target soothes me. That may make me weird. I don't care.

So while shopping at Target in the frozen food section, I picked up some Lean Cuisines and Smart Ones for lunch and dinner. I noticed that the aisle is called the "Meals for One" aisle. I find that offensive. Yes, I am alone. Yes, I am buying this single serving meal for myself, but do I want to be reminded of my loneliness while perusing my normally calming aisles of Target? Negative.

Anyway I made some great purchases and look forward to my easy to prepare and consume meals. Fast forward to my crazyass day yesterday.

School was slightly overwhelming- lesson planning, being up to 12:30 the night before prepping and planning, etc. Then I had my first grad class of the semester at Bridgewater. I was looking forward to it as I love this professor but know it's probably going to be a lot of work, but I love taking classes and listening to lectures. So I get there and am settling into the class, and the professor hands out the syllabus.

Um, hold the phone. We're all teachers here getting our MAT (Masters in Teaching), no? We all have full time jobs, no? And in some instances families to tend to? How are we going to read 300+ pages a week, write 4 page papers weekly, a 15 page term paper and in addition to the SEVEN textbooks read an EIGHTH book and write a book review that could be published in a scholarly journal.

I wanted to jump out the window.

I foresee a nervous breakdown because of work alone this semester, I'm going to have to be committed to an institution if I take this course this fall. I decided I have to drop it. There's no effing way I can do it all. **STRESSSS**

I decide to stop by the gym, run a little bit, go tanning (ah! bad! I know....I needed a vitamin d boost....shame), watch the Pats play and talk to Josh for a little bit. I get home put my meal for one in the microwave and jumped in the shower quick. Get out, put on comfy sweats and go back downstairs for my dinner.

I'm walking through the dining room with my piping hot meal for one, ready to sit at my computer, catch up with my Google Reader and facebook then head to bed. I bump my arm on the doorway and pretty much wind up and pitch my meal for one into the hardwood floor of my living room.

What. The. Fuck.

I blame the chair.

Let's see. I've posted one story about my occasional brain malfunctions so I'm going to dive right into a story about my lack of balance. Let me point out that this is merely the beginning. These stories go way back, and since according to my friend Will, "[I] fall more than any individual in the history of the world" there are definitely more stories to come.

I believe this occurred over the summer? Or end of the school year? Oh yes, I remember. My friend Renee was getting married in June, and I was searching for a gold pair of sandals to wear with my dress to her wedding. That search led me to the Providence Place Mall, where I bought a pair but wasn't super happy with them, but was desperate. Anyway.

I remember getting Johnny Rockett's for dinner because their burgers and fries are really good. I then went to visit Sasha and Lauren. I think they had just bought a Wii or new games for the Wii or something. So they were playing, I was sitting in a chair with a TV tray eating my dinner. For whatever reason when I eat on a tray I feel the need for my legs to be like fully under it, and the tray really close to me (I attempted this same maneuver with my ottoman/coffee table with equally if not worse results, another story for another day though.)

As I was inching forward, closer to the tray, the lovely chair I was sitting on flipped forward, I crashed to the ground, blanket that was on said chair now covering me like a ghost, and I slid half-way under the TV tray- thankfully not spilling my burger and fries.

Luckily Lauren was quick enough with her iPhone to capture this moment:

(image from Lauren's iPhone)

Then the problem of being able to get up arose as I had miraculously gone to the gym (a rare occurrence in those days, I've been doing really well lately though!) and I was too sore to lift my legs up over the bar on the TV tray. Lauren came to help and try and move the tray but because I was laughing too hard and my abs hurt too much I couldn't get out!!! Good lord, how ridiculous.

Needless to say I finally got out from under that mess and finished my dinner. I hadn't even started drinking yet either!! My lack of balance knows no bounds- sober, trashed, it doesn't matter!

As a sort of side note about my lack of balance, I work at a jewelry store a few weekends a month and I put one of these aside for myself in the hopes that it'll give me supernatural help with my balance issues:

(image from polyvore)

Updates to follow on that front.

Oh Apple! You crack me up.

So I get emails from Apple about new products and services and everything fun like that. I just got one about the new iPod Nano and all the neato features it has.

Wanna guess what the newest feature is? (Well, one of them.)

A built in pedometer which linked with the Nike iPod Sport program can track your workouts.

I was one step ahead of Apple! Go figure.

**Swings arms wildly while walking on treadmill**

So one of the things I blew my balloon check on in June was a new MacBook Pro. I love it. Heart it. Without it feel constricted and like I can't breathe. Along with that purchase, because Apple totally rocks, I received a free iPod Touch. I already have an iPod (classic, silver if you're curious) but hey, who turns down a free iPod? Certainly not me.

So the iPod Touch is pretty cool. It has all these neato apps that you can download (I've only downloaded free ones, I'm cheap, did you miss the previous post about a "missing" paycheck?) Then I noticed that it comes with the Nike program that monitors your workouts. I got it for a friend for her bday a few years ago, she runs like a crazy person (she's not crazy, just likes to run a lot) so I was psyched when I saw I had it now too!!

I played around with it, getting my playlist ready, and choosing the two-mile workout. You can work on a certain time goal, distance or calorie goal, etc. I chose the distance because I've been working on running longer. Began with a mile. Then mile and a half. New distance was two miles.

Then school started and my nice simple life totally fell apart like the house that fell on the wicked witch in the Wizard of Oz. Complete. Chaos. I felt like I was lesson planning 23 out of the 24 hours a day (just to give you an example of my loss of mental capacity, I just typed 24 out of the 25 hours in a day before fixing it. I should've left it.) Needless to say, my gym regiment had come to a stand still. And oddly enough, for me, I was upset I couldn't make it to the gym.

So fastforward to the second week of school. I'm getting into my groove, figuring out how to plan for 90 minute blocks instead of 5o minute periods. Learning a bit more about world history (never taught it before) and such. I finished planning a bit early last night- by 9 pm (USI was going to do a carousel activity with documents pertaining to the Louisiana purchase and then watch The History Channel series The Presidents on Washington, Adams and Jefferson with a viewing guide and World was going to review the Estate Systems charts we filled out yesterday, complete a political cartoon analysis and a timed/contest fill-in worksheet about the French Revolution with a simulation of the Estate System after lunch where 23 out of the 26 students would be part of the Third Estate (peasants) and have to pay me (the Queen) a tax every round while the two students from the Second Estate and the one student from the First Estate got gummy worms, gummy bears and jaw breakers each round- phew!) I figured why not go to the gym!

So I usually go to the gym which is about 20 minutes away from me. It's in the city I used to work in, so that made sense but since I no longer work there, doesn't make much sense for me to drive there, except for the fact that I'm comfortable there and know my way around. Plus it doesn't hurt that my friend Josh works there, so it's nice to see him too when I go to work out. I need any incentive I can get to get my ass to the gym.

I didn't want to drive my Dad's truck there last night, it's not the greatest on the highway, and I didn't have enough gas to really get there and back (if you're wondering why a grown woman has no money for gas or renewing her own registration please reference the prior two posts) so I figured I'd break out of my comfort zone and visit the gym that's about 7-10 minutes away.

I really was excited to try out the Nike thing on my iPod. It even fit in my old arm band! So I get there, start walking while I'm organizing myself with the ear buds and arm band, getting the program going on the iPod etc. The screen reads, "Walk around to activate sensor." Already walking on treadmill.

So I think to myself, ok maybe it takes a minute to get the hang of me walking.

Screen still says searching for signal. I try swinging my arms a bit more enthusiastically thinking that'll def catch the sensors attention.

30 seconds go by...

Then I have a light bulb moment.

When I purchased the kit for my friend Laura there was a plug-in for her iPod (clearly the program my iTouch came equipped with) which receives the signals that the sensor you place on your shoe is sending....which my iTouch did not come equipped with. I am attempting to use half of the kit. By swinging my arms wildly.

But on the bright side I did run the two miles!

Self-reflection.

I need to calm down. Maybe be a little more positive. Or at least not jump to conclusions. For someone who prides themselves on living by the motto, "We don't judge" I seem to judge pretty quickly.

The world can continue to turn, my paycheck was simply being held by one of the lovely women in the front office for safekeeping.

I'm scared to look at it though. I used to get paid every two weeks and am used to seeing that rather nice number. Going to getting paid every week, while amazing, means a smaller figure (although it all evens out in the end so I once again, and take a chill pill.)

Drum roll.....

Wow, not bad!

And it doesn't include the $130 or so I will get for a workshop I did last week.

Ok, I can finally relax.

Now I plan on really using this blog for what I intended, which is not a place to be negative and complain about money (although I'm sure that'll happen one more time or another.) A place to share laughs (usually at my own expense) and ridiculously awkward situations that I manage to get myself into...which reminds me...

Mr. Negitivity

That is what my Mom occasionally refers to my Dad as. My Gramma does it occasionally too. I don't mean to start the blog off on a negative note, but seeing as I need to vent to someone right now, and this is my current means of venting, you get to hear it (and by "you" I mean my cousin Nikki, the one person aware of my new blogging foray.)

So at my old teaching job we got a balloon check in June which covered what would have been our pay every two weeks throughout the summer. In theory it should last you until school begins again in September. I obviously ignore that theory and blow through it by say, mid- July. Luckily I worked all summer teaching summer school at that old school, making $30 an hour working 8-11 mon- fri and 12-4 mon- thurs. I should be flush with cash. Hemorrhaging in fact (to steal another line from a family member, this time my Dad.) But as anyone who knows me is probably aware, I am the worst budgeter/saver on the face of the earth.

Proof you ask? My registration is expired on my car and I can't afford the $90 renewal fee (why $90? oh because said father insists I have a fancy five-number plate which I've become accustomed to and wouldn't' deign to have a normal four digit two letter plate like all the normal people out there in Massachusetts have which only costs about $40 to renew.) I have been driving my Dad's pick-up truck in lieu of driving around with an expired plate which according to the lovely SRO (school resource officer [town cop who's job it is to roam the high school work at breaking up fights]) would cost around $200 ($100 ticket $100 tow.) He came into my classroom last Friday during my prep to inform me of this (kids don't fight here at the new school like they did at the old school, he has nothing better to do apparently.) Way too much information there.

Long story not so short- today is pay day, I have been waiting for it since the third week of August. The paperwork I filled out when I got my new job included direct deposit information. I checked my account this morning- nothing except a negative balance (only a little bit negative.) I checked the paper we received at the beginning of the school year about paychecks- should be in our mailboxes by 11:00- NEGATIVE. Empty mailbox. Mother effer. I don't even have enough gas in my Dad's truck to effing drive home (I live around the corner) let alone renew my registration (first errand of the afternoon) and buy a new computer cord for my laptop which my dog so lovingly chewed the week before school started (second errand of the afternoon.)

What. The. Fuck.

I have a bad feeling about this. I predict that I am going to have to wait until next pay period to receive my first check. Which means I'm either royally fucked or I'm going to have to have the dreaded "I have no money can I borrow some" conversation with my parents which is so. not. in. my. plan. for. the. week.

Hopefully I return to my classroom with better news. Update to follow.